Rated PG-13 For Crude Sexual Content, Comic Violence, Language And Teen Partying.
Theatrical Cut: 1hr 22min/82min.
Extended Cut: 1hr 24min/84min.
1 use of the F-word.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer need to have a restraining order against any type of writing utensil and any type of camera, even if it's a 35 millimeter camera, they need that order. These two guys have made movies so awful that it makes me wonder whether or not the parody genre is dead. Airplane!, The Naked Gun Trilogy, The Hot Shots Movies and Scary Movie are funny because they didn't have these two children manning a camera or writing a script(yes I know they were 2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie). They are the worst filmmakers I have ever seen. I wouldn't be surprised if they just collected all the money from these horrendous movies to a big budget cinematic equivalent of The Godfather. But That's not going to happen for a while. On October 31st of 2013, they will be releasing a film called The Starving Games, a film that parodies The Hunger Games, The Avengers and The Guy Richie Sherlock Holmes Films. STOP! You guys are the cancer of the movie world. Date Movie is not funny. Epic Movie is not funny. Disaster Movie is not funny. Meet The Spartans is not funny and Vampire's Suck IS NOT FUNNY! Get the point?
The film follows Becca(Insert unknown actress here) who moves into the town of Sporks with her father. She runs into both Edward(Matt Lanter) and Jacob(Insert Unknown Actor Here). We find out that Edward is a vampire and Jacob is a werewolf. And that's it. No story substance, no nothing. It just rips off Twilight. And that's the sad part because there is actually material here to make this movie work, but guess who screws it up?!!? These two men. The writing, like in their previous efforts, are terrible. These are not two adult filmmakers. These are two 13 year olds Trapped in an adult body. Now This movie has the honor of being the first film that I have reviewed on this site to earn Zero Stars From me. First, the jokes are way too obvious. Take Scary Movie for example. With that film it took situations from movies like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer and said "what would happen it this situation went like this." With Vampires Suck, it just says, " Hey, remember that comment you made about Jacob taking his shirt off? Let's put what we already know into this movie and see if it will get a laugh." This is the entire movie. When I sit down and view a comedy film and I laugh, I consider that mission accomplished. Identity Thief isn't hysterical but it is funny. When I view a comedy and I don't laugh or my laughs are few and far between, You have done something wrong.
Fart Humor is not funny. Sexual Humor is not funny. This movie has only two types of humors and NONE OF THEM ARE FUNNY! When someone farts or makes a sexual joke just out of nowhere, I'm not laughing. Also they throw references at you that have no context whatsoever. There is a scene where Edward walks into the cafeteria and Becca asks who he is. Her friend says "Snooki, J-wow, DJ Pauly D" and Becca says, "No, not the douchebags from Jersey Shore" And then it cuts to the people just standing there. A joke has to have a lead and a punch line. There is a punch line. I get it. I don't think it's funny. I THINK IT'S RIDICULOUSLY STUPID! Stop it!
I am done talking about this movie. Look, if you want to make a funny movie, fine, but just make it funny. Don't add childish humor, don't add obvious humor and don't waste talents like Diedrich Bader, David Delouise, Ken Jeong and Dave Foley. The Fact that this movie made $80,000,000 sickens me. To all of you who saw this film and actually like it, I bet your role model is Brick Tamland from the film Anchorman The Legend Of Ron Burgundy. He has an IQ Of 48 and you guys must put mayonnaise into a toaster.
No comments:
Post a Comment