Rated R for Strong Sexual Content including Dialogue, some Unusual Behavior and Graphic Nudity, and for Language.
Theatrical: 2hrs 5min/125min. Unrated: 2hrs 8min/128min.
7 F-bombs.
3.5/4 Stars
I know what you're thinking: "Didn't you just review this a couple months ago?" Yes, I did. Aren't you the astute one? BUT, the question you should be asking is, "when are you gonna review the unrated cut?" Well, seeing as how the movie has been released on luscious Blu-ray(I need my erotic romance in 1080p HD), I have picked it up and viewed the unrated cut. It was nice watching the movie at home, only for the sole reason of not being surrounded by a theater full of awful audience members. This was the first film I attended a pre-screening for and, well, I screwed up. My best friend came with me(you're welcome, perverted people who think every sentence sounds dirty) to the theater(HA! You didn't let me finish!....I'm just digging this grave even deeper, aren't I?) and he was so uncomfortable at first, which was hilarious to me. I even creeped him out in the middle of the movie! How did I achieve this? Simple, I read the books a couple months before hand and because so, I was finishing dialogue...before the characters said them. However, him and I got a huge kick out of the audience, and I kid you not, him and I: only two men there. You would've thought some girl dragged her boyfriend to this, but no! I guess they were all seeing "Kingsman: The Secret Service" that night(which I saw two days later. It was so awesome!), and I checked, because I had to get up and go to the bathroom before previews and did a quick scan of the audience. Only two guys there. Only two. Allow me to provide the best quotes from members while watching the film. Keep in mind, I am saving the topic of all the women laughing their asses off at the trailer of "Pitch Perfect 2" for next week, since I have to see that monstrosity. Young woman 1: (After seeing Christian Grey take off his shirt for the first time) "He's so fuckin' hot." Young woman 2: (After witnessing the first of many sex scenes) "It was better in the book." Entire idiotic audience who apparently didn't read the book and were quite shocked at the abrupt ending: "Are you fucking kidding me? Fucking bullshit!" And finally, my favorite, Old Woman way in the back of the theater: (during the scene where Ana and Christian are negotiating the contract) (laughing) "What're butt plugs?" Priceless. Now that I own it, I can watch it peacefully and not for the reason you think. One last thing, As far as what edition I went with(seeing as how there's a million of them out there), I went with the Target exclusive Blu-ray that came with a bonus disc. The steel-book(the fact that it's not called a "Steele-book" is a big missed opportunity) did not have this disc, but there's also a box set that comes with the bonus disc along with a pithy little journal and pen. What the hell am I gonna do with a journal and pen? "May 15th, 2015. Watched it again. Still very, very hot."
If you don't already know the steamy story, allow me to relay upon you the full details. Anastasia Rose Steele(Dakota Johnson) is about to be a college graduate. Mere days before her graduation, her friend Kate Kavangh(Eloise Mumford) comes down with the sniffles(Oh, Lord Jesus, how will she survive?!) and thus, cannot do her important interview with billionaire tycoon Christian Trevelyan Grey(Jamie Dornan). She asks Ana to complete the task for her, which she so happily obliges. No sooner does she arrive at Grey Enterprises when she meets the handsome mongrel, himself. However, she makes a complete ass of herself during the interview and thinks she totally botched. Oh, quite the contrary, Miss Steele. In fact, he's very interested in you. When they finally sit down and get to know each other, little by little, she finds out things about him. He likes to play by a different set of rules. Oh, yes, he does. The "enjoyable activities" he describes to her throughout involve special "toys" including whips, riding crops, floggers, ropes, tape, cable ties, the whole nine yards. She's hesitant. After all, she just met this man. But, more and more, she gets turned on by it and her "inner goddess" runs wild. Will she stay with him, or be too afraid to be tied down by a man with exotic tastes?
Well, where should I begin? Seeing as how I HAVE read the entire trilogy, let's start by playing a little compare and contrast shall we? First, there's a lot of things this movie does right that the book got so wrong. First off, the character of Ana, well, was irritating throughout the entire thing. She constantly, and I mean constantly makes references to her "inner goddess" and hows her inner goddess does ballerina moves over balance beams or looks up from her mundane reading to chastise Ana. Fact of the matter is, I don't give a good goddamn what your inner goddess is doing at this point in time. Tell me how you feel, not this being that lives inside your feeble little mind! Thankfully she is excised from the final film. Also, she has a sort of catchphrase. It always starts with the word "Holy" and she tends to make different variations on it throughout, such as "Holy crap", "Holy cow", "Holy shit" and of course "Holy fuck". She occasionally says it throughout, but not to the extent that she does in the book. Christian was more odd in the book, than in the movie. The way he talked with Ana and approached her was incredibly psycho. As for Kate, well, she's not as irritating as she was in the book. Now for the sex. Oh, yes! The sex! Fair to say, it was much more intense in the book. How intense you might ask? Well, two examples: One: In the book, I distinctly remember the word "salty" being thrown around a couple times and Two: the morning after seeing it, theatrically, I simply google searched "'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Movie" and the first thing that popped up was an article that was headlined, and I kid you not, "Why doesn't 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' show Ana having an orgasm?" So that right there, tells you a lot. But, it does bring up a point. Not a good one, but a point nonetheless. The movie doesn't really show the two of them "reaching the top of the mountain", if you will. Uh, excuse me, I paid $11.00 to see a steamy movie and somehow get shortchanged on the steam!
Let's talk about the two leads. Dakota Johnson(2014's "Need For Speed") is quite beautiful and, in the part of Ana, she's quite good. She gives Ana the three dimensions that she was decidedly lacking in the book. Shy when she needs to be, cute when she needs to be, funny when she needs to be and sexy when she needs to be, she makes this part her own and rules it. Jamie Dornan, on the other hand, doesn't seem like he should have been the man for the job. Charlie Hunnam was easily the man for the job, but, due to prior shooting arrangements for the final season of "Sons Of Anarchy", he had to leave. Shame, because he is the better actor for the job. Dornan actually portrays the character accurately as he was in the book, being that he was pretty boring to read about and follow. Dornan brings a little charisma to the part, but can't manage to bring a spark to it. As far as the supporting players go, Eloise Mumford brings some talent to the table as Kate, Marcia Gay Harden owns her role of Christian's mother and Rita Ora, who was reported to have had a decent role in here, is only in one scene for about 40 seconds and the wig she's assigned to wear is horrid. Did no one step back and say, "Hey, there's something horribly wrong here"? But, when you get down to it, the only two people you're focusing on is Johnson and Dornan.
As far as the unrated cut goes, like the sex scenes, it's anti-climactic. I have, right by my wayside, a source from Entertainment Weekly that lists all of the different additions, which I will list for you, because I can't remember all of them and 'cause I'm your pal! Keep in mind, spoilers! During the first sex scene, the one where Ana is "de-flowered" if you will, there's an extra breast shot and and extra thrust. During the scene where they discuss the contract at the lake, his speech changes a bit and an extra shot of Ana and her hungry eyes. When Ana is reading the contract there's an extra shot of her drinking with her co-workers as Christian's voice-over reminds not to drink to excess. There's an extra shot of her jogging as he goes on about physical activity. During the scene where Christian has his way with her again after she jokingly leaves him, there are some additional shots of their body's flowin' in motion. There's an extra scene of Christian driving Ana home from graduation. There's some more, and I mean more shots of Christian using his riding crop a little more on Ana. As she get's on the plane to see her mom, we get some more texting between Ana and Christian and finally comes the ending. In the original ending, Ana leaves Christian(like how the first book ended, the second picks up three days later), but this cut features an alternate ending with her crying a bit. That's it, only 3 minutes longer. And I thought I was getting the porn cut! Boo! Booooooo! Speaking of porn, let me share with you a quick story about my setup for this review: It takes a while for me to set up these reviews. I have to provide the MPAA rating, the runtime(s), how many F-bombs there are, my star rating, maybe my favorite quote from the film, my review and still images from the movie, because I want things to look nice, and because I have to have everything nice lookin' and all, it takes a bit. If you would like to mimic this certain style if you're looking to go into this field, please, please use Google and not Yahoo. Whoever runs Yahoo images is a biiiiiiigggg perv because the first images that popped up, and mainly almost all of the images were all from the sex scenes from the movie. Please, use Google, hell, Bing works fine too.
The soundtrack and score are both unusually really strong. Then again, this is sophisticated pornography, it's gotta have sophisticated music behind it. Then again, as a really odd substitute teacher I once had asked, "When is porn ever really sophisticated?" "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding is really strong and perfectly captures the butterflies that every girl, not only Ana, goes through when taking their relationship further. "Earned It" by The Weeknd(not a misspelling) is wonderful, masterfully orchestrated and beautifully sung and "I Put A Spell On You" by Annie Lenox is also great and awesomely sung. The cinematography is strikingly beautiful, with many of the shots looking very, very gorgeous. The writing is not all that strong(I'm not surprised since the source material was written at a fifth grade level, what with sentences missing words and many awkward lines shoved in there), but, I guess you're not going here for the writing, now, are you? Silly, silly me. Again, that old woman way back in the theater was very surprised and confused as to what, well, no I'm not repeating it.
So, as final thoughts go, well, I guess I've exhausted everything, haven't I? Everyone gives so much flak towards it, saying it's not as good as the book. Uh, excuse me again, the book was not that good. As a movie to sit and watch with the honey, it's not the best choice, but it's also not terrible. Should you watch it with your oldest kid(teen years, I'm talkin' here), absolutely not. That's why my buddy and I went to a pre-screening and my mom and her friend went two nights after. I'm not weird here. Watching it with your pets? OK, they don't judge. The point is, if you wanna see what all the hootenanny is about, go ahead. In all honesty, it's not bad. It's entertaining and really fun to watch. The movie is not as sexy as some people wanted it to be but for what they got away with, and there have been movies that have done far worse and gotten away with it, it's fine. I mean, I own it. I want that thing to stay in my life forever and ever. Oh, I'm the weirdo now? Ok. Fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment