My Old Reviews

As I take the next few days to rest, I would like to share with you some of my old reviews, on IMDB.

Keep in mind, they aren''t the highest of quality.

Heat(1995)

The film is about Neil McCauley played by Robbert DeNiro and his gang start creating violent bank robberies all around the town of L.A. This gets on the radar of Lt Vinncent Hanna played by Al Pacino who wants to make it his mission to put these guys in jail.

Halfway Through the film Pacino and DeNiro can settle their differences and sit down for a cup of coffee together talking about their daily lives. This is a nice little segway from the film.

This is really well done film. Both Vetran actors Pacino and Deniro are terrific in this one with the best scene being the one I just mentioned. The plot is really well done. I like how real the gunfights are. All you hear are the sound effects of bullets, no music like most movies do. The characters are well developed and The final chase is great. This film is a must for Pacino, DeNiro and Gangster Fans alike.

Rated R For Violence And Language.

2hrs 52min/172min.

56 uses of the F-word.

****/****

Moulin Rouge(2001)

This is a film that I have been hearing nothing but such great things about the famous movie Moulin Rouge so naturally I just had to check it out. But after watching it I am really starting to wonder if I saw the same movie.

The film is about Christian played by Ewan MacGreggor who goes to a Broadway theater Known as Moulin Rouge. The Star Singer Satine played by Nicole Kidman who is the star the keeps everybody coming back. The two find themselves in madly in love(Trust me I should know because they say it every 5 seconds) and work together to save the theater from being demolished.

This is a very poorly shot film. Whoever edited this must have been hopped up on Starbucks and Tic-Tacs because every shot lasts about 2-5 seconds. The Characters are very odd and very strange for a film set in 1899. Speaking of why is it that in a film that is set in 1899 do we have Christina Agulera songs? But All of the stuff done with Ewan MacGreggor and Nicole Kidman are very well done and are two wonderful singer. But that is not enough for me to like this film like everyone else.

Rated PG-13 For Sexual Content.

2hrs 8min/128min.

**/****

Road To Perdition(2002)

After reading the amazing graphic novel by Max Alan Collins I just had to pick up the movie. Well Like the 2009 film Watchmen it was much better than the novel but the novel is really good.

The film is about Michael Sullivan played by Tom Hanks who is a gangster and works for John Looney played by the legendary Paul Newman who has a sick twisted psychopathic son Connor Rooney played by Daniel Craig who after going on job just to get information from someone shoots and kills him. Little does Michael know his son played by Tyler Hoechlin witnesses what happens. But Conner doesn't let that go and kills Michaels wife and youngest son peter. Now him and his older son are on the Road To Perdition to try and find a better life.

This is an amazing film with excellent pacing, it takes its' time, it has a great cast, excellent story with great lighting and cinematography and has its' share of emotions. Definitely see this because one thing it is not is boring.

Rated R For Violence And Language.

1hr 57min/117min.

9 uses of the F-word.

****/****

Rock-A-Doodle(1991)

Would you expect anything else With a film titled "Rock-A-Doodle"? I did. The film is animated by legendary animation legend Don Bluth who did films like The Secret Of Nimh and An American Tale. With a resume like that, where could he possibly go wrong with this? Well this film went everywhere wrong and more.

The film follows the story of a rooster named Chanticleer voiced by Glen Campbell whose crowing makes the sun come up. One day he forgets to crow but the sun still comes up. The other barn animals shun and banish Chanticleer from the farm considering him to be a fraud. We then cut to a boy named Edmond played by Toby Scott Ganger who as been reading the storybook of Chanticleer and is realizing that his farm will be foreclosed. Edmond then meets The Grand Duke Of Owls voiced by Christopher Plummer who transforms Edmond into a cat and Edmond goes on a journey to find Chanticleer.

Well the only good thing about this film is the voice work done by Campbell and Plummer who seem to be the only people involved with this film really invested. The other voice actors are abysmal and very dull. If it were not for those two this Picture would be dead on arrival.

The animation is dull and not very pleasing to look at. It looks like a child's finished coloring book, with colors all over the place and dull mix of colors.

This film also has a confusing and jumbled narrative with the film jumping from Edmond and his family to Chanticleer. This can be done well like in Pulp Fiction how it jumbles all over the place but eventually all of the stories come together. This film not only jumps around without warning but the story of Edmonds farm is never resolved yet it spends more time on Edmond then on Chanticleer. I guess they were waiting for Rock-A-Doodle 2: Rooster, What Rooster?

Lastly the film mixes Live action and Animation together...Poorly, and I am shocked because Who Framed Roger Rabbit came out 3 years before this in 1988 and that was great. This mixes it very poorly and, quite frankly, looks unfinished.

The Final Verdict for the 1991 film Rock-A-Doodle is 1 star out of 4. The film looks unfinished and rushed with poor mixing of live action and animation, dull animation and a confusing narrative. Glen Campbell and Christopher Plummer are the only reason to watch this.

Rated G.

1hr 17min/77min.

****/****

Set It Off(1996)

F. Gary Gray the director of Friday takes a turn from comedy to drama in a film people call a rip off of The Town. I disagree because this came out 14 years earlier. This a very underrated film that sadly a lot of people have dismissed.

The film is about a group of four women played by Vivica A. Fox, Queen Latifa, Jada Pinkett Smith and Kimberly Elise who rob a bank to get money for Kimberly Elise because her child has been taken away by child protective services. After getting the thrill from robbing a bank for the first time and decide to do again this time they get more money. They then want to rob one last bank this time running away to another country with the money.

This is a underrated gem. The film is very well paced and has great suspense. The group of 4 leading ladies have great chemistry together and has a very nice storyline to go along with it. Definnetly check this one out.

Rated R For Strong Graphic Violence, Pervasive Language, Some Sex And Drug Use.

Theatrical Cut: 2hrs 1min/121min. Directors Cut: 2hrs 4min/124min.

126 uses of the F-word.

****/****

Sleepaway Camp(1983)

A lot of people in the horror community refer to Sleepaway Camp as a horror classic and should be viewed by people who love movies like Friday The 13th. Well I love Friday The 13th, but My God do I hate Sleepaway Camp. I don't Have a top 10 list like Transformers Dark Of The Moon but I do have at least 4 main problems that I can elaborate on.

The first problem I had is the main character of Angela Baker played by Fellissa Rose. Now when the movie started I thought her character was developed really well, But the only problem is that they barley have this character speak throughout the whole film. I understand that Her "Brother"(You will see why in a little bit) and her father were killed in a boating accident and she is shy. But if you're are going to camp to meet people You have to speak at least once or twice. She speaks about a total of 20-30 words in the film. She does spout classic lines like "I Don't Know" and "Thank You Very Much." The second problem is the overall general story. This film is a complete Friday the 13th rip-off, But every time I say that to somebody who likes the film they say they are completely different. Well lets see, They both have kids go to a camp out in the middle of the woods, and a killer who is not revealed until the end. SAME! They are the same movies! Only Friday The 13th was much more better.

The third problem I had is The sexualization of underage children. What I mean by that is this movie piles on sex appeal for kids who are 13 or 14 years old in this movie. If that was not creepy enough you have the character of the pedophile chef who I won't go into detail with because if I do talk about him it's going to make me puke and you and I don't want that.

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW! Please do not continue if you have not seen the film, although I don't know why you would want to.

The fourth and final problem is the ending. Angela Goes into the woods to have some "business" with a boy. Two older campers come across her and as she turns around you see that she is not only the killer or a girl, she is a BOY! They show you everything, Refer to problem 3 for more of that. Also she is the killer. This is the classic twist ending that everyone remembers but in all honesty, why? Sure she is disturbed after her father and Sister(Now you get it) Angela died in the boating accident Peter the brother of Angela was turned into a girl by his aunt who went mentally insane after the accident. But for me this is not an affective ending because I can't have emotion for a character who doesn't speak or do anything in the movie.

The final verdict for the film Sleepaway Camp is a BOMB or 0 stars out of 4. It also earns my seal of disapproval meaning I urge you not to see this film. This film is held back by The main character, completely unoriginal story, Sexualization of children and that Godforsaken ending. This film has no redeeming factors. But the good news is that it has four sequels that I have to sit through and the next 2 have Bruce Springsteen's Sister Pamela Springsteen as Angela. Goody.

Rated R For Horror Violence And Gore, Sexual Content And Language.

1hr 28min/88min.

23 uses of the F-word.

BOMB/****

Sleepaway Camp II Unhappy Campers(1988)

Since I just got done reviewing Sleepaway Camp, I figured it was appropriate to take a look at the sequels starting with the 1988 film Sleepaway Camp II Unhappy Campers, a film that manages to be even worse than its' predecessor. That is quite an accomplishment.

First Off, I don't Understand why we need a sequel to a film that ended conclusively. But the word money brings a couple of reasons why. The film does follow Angela again except this time she is played by Bruce Springsteen's Sister Pamela Springsteen, and she makes the character even worse. Remember when I complained that Angela barley spoke in the first film, well that's all changed because now SHE WON'T SHUT UP! This time she travels to a new camp to wreak havoc on more teens.

They explain that after some extensive therapy and a sex-change Angela is now okay to be a camp counselor at Camp Rolling Hills. And this brings me to my next problem: If you knew this character was mentally unstable to begin with, being that she killed kids at a camp years before, then why would you hire her as a camp counselor? I think that the camp directors were smoking a little something to let her back in.

They tried making the film a comedy now, but I did not laugh at a single joke in here. Also the film not only rips-off Friday The 13th but references The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and A Nightmare On Elm Street. Thanks, Three good movies ruined in your crappy movie.

Finally the movie wraps up with, Guess what, Angela being the killer. Oh My God That is the biggest twist ending since Darth Vader was Luke Skywalkers Father(Notice the sarcasm).

The Final Verdict For the film Sleepaway Camp II Unhappy Campers is a BOMB/ 0 stars out of 4, and earns my seal of disapproval meaning this is a film to stay away from. The film is held back by bad acting, Slow and Boring pace and terrible, Terrible jokes. The worst part is I have 3 more of these to watch. Goody.

Rated R For Horror Violence And Gore, Sexual Content, Nudity And Language.

1hr 20min/80min.

10 uses of the F-word.

BOMB/****

Transformers Dark Of The Moon(2011)

I really like the first Transformers movie. It was fun and entertaining. Revenge Of The Fallen was a terrible movie riddled with problems. So when I saw that this film grossed $1,123,746,996 when it was in theaters, Than it has to be good right? WRONG! This is one of the most frustrating movies I have ever sat through. This film has more problems than Revege Of The Fallen. Here are the Top 10 Reasons why I hated Transformers Dark Of The Moon.

#10: A Horrible Experience At An Unbearable Length. Not only is this film terrible but why do I have to sit through it for 2hrs and 35min?!!? Its bad enough just having to sit through the second one with Skids and Mudflap.

#9: Story, What Story? The films story is so confusing, especially If you have not seen the first two. This movie jumps around so much that by the time it was over I felt like I had just gotten off of a trampoline with 20 other people. The plot that I understood is that the Decepticons are going after a Cybertronian space craft.

#8: My Parents Are Not This Bad. The parents in this film are annoying and useless. All they seem to do in every movie is bring up something Sexual and uncomfortable. They bing absolutely nothing to the movie and are just pointless filler. Speaking of which.

#7: What Are We Going To Put In It? Half of this movie is just pointless filler. Whether it's Shia LaBeouf whining and crying about not having a job, Him trying to get a job or pointless humor it is not needed. Even the last hour of the film with the Chicago fight is so tedious to watch.

#6: We Won't Use Them For Anything Important. Some of the cast in this film is wasted. People Like Peter Cullen, Leonard Nimoy, John Turturro, John Malkovich, Alan Tudyk, Francis McDormand and Tyrese Gibson are all in this movie and are wasted because they serve no purpose. The only two who serve a purpose are Peter Culllen who voices Optimus Prime and Leonard Nimoy who voices Starscream.

#5: We'll Call Him Deep Wang, Because It's Funny Right? There is a character in this film named Deep Wang played by Ken Jeoung. All he does in this movie for the 7 minutes of screen time he has is talk ghetto. An that's Funny right. Wrong because he serves no purpose to the story whatsoever. You can also check out Ken Jeoung in the soon to be destined classic, Big Mommas Like Father Like Son.

#4. What Is Misogyny? This film thinks that Women are just in these movies to be Sex symbol's. I hate to be a broken record but Rosi Hunnigton-Whiteley Serves no purpose. They just show her in her underwear and is completely forgettable. Showing her in her underwear is not needed in a Transformers movie. (Although it was nice) It still was not needed. Also the female characters serve no purpose they are just there to show themselves off and thats It. Oh by the way for those who do not know what Mysogyny is, it means a hateful or stereotypical view of women.

#3: Ehren Kruger Writes Better Than You (NOT). Literally 90% of these robots I could not recognize because they don't say who they are. Idid not know until this movie is over and that is an example of how well the writer, Ehren Kruger who wrote a good movie Arlington Road, Introduces these characters for people like me who do not have an encyclopedic knowledge of Transformers.

#2: You Know, For Kids! This movie is so Vulgar, Rauncy and Violent that I cannot believe that some parents took little 6 year old Timmy to see this movie. This movie is riddled with Sexual Content and Innuendo plus Too much senseless murdering by the robots in this film.

#1: Shia LaBeouf. I Really hate this actor. All he does in this movie is whine and cry about how he does not have a job and how he saved the world twice when it was all the robots doing the saving and boo hoo this and boo hoo that. I hated him in Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Wall Street Money Never Sleeps and Transformers 2 and 3, Because that is all he does. Quite frankly I hope I don't have to sit through another movie with him again. I wanted to shut this movie off because of Him. If you Like Him, fine but me personally I just can't stand him.

Well there you have it. The Top 10 Reasons why I hated Transformers Dark Of The Moon. Runner up is invoking images of 9/11 and The Challenger Explosion and the fact that I know What The Challenger Explosion is at age 14 is impressive. The only Character That I was invested in was Optimus Prime. Even though he is awesome That really should not happen.

Rated PG-13 For Intense Prolonged Sequences Of Sci-Fi Action Violence, Mayhem And Destuction, And For Language, Some Sexuality And Innuendo.

2hrs 35min/155min.

2 uses of the F-word.

1/2*/****